Tuesday, May 19, 2009

i just hope he doesn't turn into a chia pet

our yard has been in a state of flux for over a week, in an attempt to have the grass replaced. for approximately 6 days, the lawn area has been bare dirt. the dog has avoided it like it was made of lava, and done his business in the gravel.

today, the landscapers put down manure, sowed grass seed and turned on the sprinklers. the dog that has not set foot on the lawn area for a week, decided today that it was perfect of a little romp, some pooping, and then TO SCOOTCH HIS BUTT ON.

Monday, May 18, 2009

choose your own adventure

your loved one has been paddling a canoe for approximately 3 hours. in the glaring sun. she is hot, tired and sweaty. do you:

a) inform her that she is paddling wrong? (turn to page 42 "get whacked in the head with a paddle")

b) declare that this isn't the specific half submerged tree limb you wanted her to paddle over to, and ask why she isn't listening (turn to page 11 "i told you we should have bought the effin' map")

c) point out that she is making too much noise and scaring all the fish (turn to page 6 "maybe you should just marry the fish if you love them so much")

d) tell her she is lovely (turn to page 8 "receive a sweet kiss")

Sunday, May 17, 2009

its always in the last place you look

~needs world's tiniest screwdriver~

~has world's tiniest screwdriver somewhere in the house~

~searches everywhere that world's tiniest screwdriver should be~

~does not find it~

~searches in places it is not likely to be, but could possibly have been misplaced in~

~does not find it~

~begins to search in places you would not normally put a tiny screwdriver: under the bathroom sink, sewing basket, silverwear chest, undewear drawer~

~does not find it~

~gives up looking, decides to try using the edge of a pair of tweezers~

~on way back out to garage, spots world's tiniest screwdriver hanging out in our key bowl by the mail~

~stares~

~shrugs~

~loosens world's tiniest screw with world's tiniest screwdriver~